When I have Fears
by WinterVoice15
Summary: The Inquisitor is having trouble sleeping, plagued by nightmares, suppressed fear of what's ahead, and other feelings she didn't have the courage to admit before. Luckily, a certain spirit is nearby, ready to help. Inspired by the poem "When I have Fears" by John Keats.


My first fanfiction/one-shot for Dragon Age: Inquisition. I hope you enjoy reading it. Please see the end for an author's note. Thank you!

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"When I have fears that I may cease to be

Before my pen has gleaned my teeming brain,

Before high-pilèd books, in charactery,

Hold like rich garners the full ripened grain;

When I behold, upon the night's starred face,

Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,

And think that I may never live to trace

Their shadows with the magic hand of chance;

And when I feel, fair creature of an hour,

That I shall never look upon thee more,

Never have relish in the faery power

Of unreflecting love—then on the shore

Of the wide world I stand alone, and think

Till love and fame to nothingness do sink."

-When I Have Fears, John Keats (1884)

The Inquisitor sat up in bed, rubbing her eyes and letting out a groan of frustration as she tried to calm herself. The latest nightmare had been like every other one—Corypheus overpowering her mark, their people left to perish, overrun by demons. Her friends dying around her before she could reach them, and then having to face the demon alone. Yet she would always wake up before death actually came, leaving her panicked and her hand throbbing in phantom pain.

Throwing back the covers, the Inquisitor walked across her room to the balcony, which overlooked the snowcapped mountains of Skyhold. It truly was a shelter, as Solas claimed upon their arrival, but she doubted it would ever provide safety from her own mind.

A breeze passed through her body and caused a shiver down her back. Winter was closer at hand than she believed anyone cared to admit, given how many refugees were pouring into Skyhold by the day. How long would it be before another blizzard came and forced them out? The Inquisitor put her hands on the balcony rail and bowed her head, wondering if giving into the chill would numb her fears long enough to let her sleep.

"You're cold."

With a slight jump, the Inquisitor turned and saw Cole standing beside her. For once he wasn't wearing his hat, revealing messy, straw-blond hair and wide blue eyes.

"Cole," She said, forcing a smile on her face, "you startled me." His presence was never unwelcome—at least, not by her—but she couldn't decide whether or not she wanted him to see her in such a vulnerable state. She was the Inquisitor. The Herald.

"A lie is no curtain for fear." Cole said in that quiet, cryptic manner before repeating, "You're cold."

The Inquisitor nodded. "I can't sleep," she admitted, "I keep…Corypheus. Everyone dying. Winter is nearly here and all the people…" Before she could stop herself, she went on to tell of the many nightmares she had suffered.

"Let me help," Cole said when she finished. "Peace of mind. Soft, warm blankets and pillows. Thoughts to make you sleep. I can help."

The Inquisitor shook her head. "Cole, you have more important people to help. A few nightmares are nothing compared to-"

"Please," He interrupted, his voice suddenly firm as he gestured toward her bed. The Inquisitor opened her mouth and then closed it when she couldn't think of any valid protests. Perhaps it was useless to argue with a spirit of his kind. Everyone else who needed him accepted his help, after all.

Nodding, the Inquisitor got back under her covers, which were much warmer than she was expecting.

"Cole? What did you…?" But Cole held up a hand, gently silencing her. There was a pause and he frowned.

"You're blocking me out." He said, his eyes darting back and forth as if he were trying to navigate through an unknown place.

"I…sorry?" The Inquisitor asked.

"This can only work if you allow me to read your thoughts." Said Cole, "To reach back into the areas of your mind and heart, dark, forgotten, crowded out. It won't hurt. I swear. But you must let me in."

At last, she leaned her head against the pillows, pushing away her anxious thoughts as best she could. "Alright, go ahead. Help me." She said, closing her eyes for good measure.

Another pause, and then—

Warmth. Not from the blankets this time. But a deep warmth filled her body like she had just taken a sip of a hot drink. Her ears filled with the sounds of birds, rustling trees, and rain. The forest that stood just outside her doorstep.

"Your childhood was not an unhappy one," Cole whispered, his voice every bit as soothing as the rain. "You woke up and fell asleep to those sounds every day. A natural lullaby. And your parents. Your mother's fresh baked bread. Your father singing in Dalish as he left to hunt. Humble. Simple. Happy."

The Inquisitor's senses filled with every word until she could've sworn the taste of bread and butter melted in her mouth, and she could hear her father's songs in the distance. Sleep didn't feel so far off when Cole abruptly let out a surprised, "Oh."

"Hmm?" The Inquisitor murmured, still keeping her eyes shut.

"I was expecting…the promise of another. Strong arms, stolen kisses, a vow to return when the war is over. But there isn't. I can't find one."

In spite of herself, the Inquisitor couldn't help smiling at his innocent confusion. "There is no such person." She said, allowing herself to open her eyes and look at Cole. He was still there. In fact, he had taken a seat at her bedside without adding any weight.

"No," he said thoughtfully as he clasped his hands in his lap. "You know nothing of love." If anyone else had said this, the Inquisitor might've taken it as an insult. But this was different. This was Cole.

She turned away, biting her lip. There was no promised lover waiting for her, that much was true. But if Cole were to keep going deeper, she didn't think he'd understand.

"You're sad," Cole remarked, frowning once more. "Did I do something wrong? I can start over. Make you forget this and-"

"No!" The Inquisitor winced at how intense she sounded and quickly tried to compose herself. "No, you're doing perfectly. It's just, Cole…" She gnawed her lip again and pushed against the warmth of the blankets to sit back up. She had hidden everything for so long. He wouldn't understand…unless she let him.

"Cole…the reason there is no such person is because I didn't think I would meet them. Not back home, and certainly not after the Breach. Not until I met you, that is."

"Me?" He asked.

"Yes. See…" And again she found herself spilling everything out. How she had let him stay in Skyhold partially because she was attracted to him without fully knowing why. How her heart melted when he said he enjoyed spending time with her. How she often took him along on missions just to hear him speak. How he had brought a stability to her life that she didn't think was possible. How she had fallen hard for him, a spirit, a helper, a friend.

When she could no longer find the right words, she dared a shy glanced at Cole. His lips had curved into a tender smile.

"Light. Pure. Like fresh snow before it hits the ground. Peaceful. Better." He said, standing up and reaching down to brush the Inquisitor's hair out of her face. At his touch, another wave of warmth melted into her and she didn't resist as her body sunk back into the mattress. Her eyes were nearly shut as she felt soft lips brush against her forehead.

"Cole," she said drowsily, "don't let me…"

She fell into a deep, dreamless sleep with her request left unspoken. But the next morning, she walked through Skyhold's courtyard and found Cole smiling at her, his fingers coyly brushing against his lips. He knew what she had wanted to say.

She remembered.

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**A/N** Thank you for taking the time to read this. While playing Dragon Age: Inquisition, this poem happened to pop into mind and I just had to write a fic involving it. Plus, the image of Cole reciting romantic poetry is good for the soul. I especially hope I did him and his dialogue justice.


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